Posted by: ccarls | March 6, 2008

Audrey, you don’t have to turn on the red light…

Red Light

I’m not quite satisfied with my readership yet, so I thought I would start out with something titillating.   Many of you know my lovely wife, Audrey. We have been married since December of 1994.(All wonderful years)  Well, if you have seen Audrey lately, you probably have noticed the little extra shake in her step or maybe a sensuous twinkle in her eye.  It is as if she has just finished a Twilight series book, every time she sees me. (My middle name just happens to be Edward)  So, how have I done it?  What is the secret to my rejuvenated mojo?  How have I harnessed the power to seduce my wife on any given night?

The secret is simple.  I purchased an Oregon Scientific DP 100 daylight projection clock with indoor temperature display.  I was tired of searching for the time during the night.  This clock projects large, red, digital numbers on the ceiling.  I just open my eyes and boom, there is the time.  The projection gives our room a sorta red-light district meets NFL scoreboard kind of feel.  Maybe that is why Audrey is so turned on by it.  She loves football.  So stop wasting your money on lotions, fragrances, whip cream, and lingerie.  Go Scientific!  Oregon Scientific! 



  1. What Chris didn’t say it that I give him crap about this light. I say things like we’ll never sleep in the dark again, red light district, jumbotron in the bedroom….the first time Sam came into our bed early in the morning he wouldn’t go back to sleep because it was so bright and the numbers are so big…..

  2. The circle on the ceiling reminds me of an alien spacecraft with a portal that is going to suck you up out of your bed in the middle of the night. That is crazy! And I can say it because I’ve seen it first hand . . . I don’t even need to mention that I know some semi-retired/”older” people who have a freakishly similar clock. 🙂

  3. You little vixens…

  4. Can you turn it off (the light I mean – not Audrey). I’m really bothered by the fact that this thing would be on ALL NIGHT long? That’s some kind of night light. I didn’t realize Chris was still afraid of the dark.

  5. I simply don’t know what to say. We also have a projection clock but not so bright. I think for good sleep you need it a little darker, for the other, well, whatever turns you on.

    Another entry ending with a preposition, maybe I’ll make that my new writing mantra.

  6. Just so everyone knows, the red light isn’t as bright as the picture. I did a long exposure to increase the dramatic effect of the red. It is a much darker, romantic red in reality

  7. “Romantic Red” that is seriously TMTH. (Yeah, I had to google that after someone said it on AI last night.)

  8. Got my attention! 🙂 I can’t wait to read more. By the way, I never thought of you as the black sheep. I thought of you as the tallest, coolest older brother, best beat-boxer/dancer, soccer-playing sheep.

  9. Now the song Roxanne is going to be stuck in my head.

  10. Not a bad idea.

  11. Just tell Steve about your little secret, I don’t want to give him any ideas

  12. Oops, forgot the “don’t” after the “just”

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